The Beginning of the Affair?

I’m having an affair with a married woman.  How did it come to this?  I’m not sure myself.  I don’t believe people purposefully go out and say, “I want to have an affair with a married woman” (or man).  I believe people often find themselves in situations via a combination of choice, circumstance and randomness.

About two months ago, I joined an online forum to discuss art.  I’m not sure how it began but I stared to have daily conversations with a woman on subjects ranging from modern art to literature and cinema.  She was intelligent, witty and overtly confident.  The conversations became increasingly flirtatious and one day I suggested we meet.  I’m not sure what for.  I just felt like we were becoming friends and that I wanted to talk to her in person.  I will not deny that I found her physically attractive. 

We went for a drink in a pub in Notting Hill just across the road from the underground station.  After about an hour chatting, she told me she was married.  I was shocked and didn’t know how to react.  She said to me “You can be my lover”.  This was something no one had ever said to me before and again I was not sure how to react.  I acted unsurprised and continued with the conversation.  She intrigued me.

She was complex.  If I could paint a picture, I would say that English girls were like a piece of string…very straightforward and easy to read.  She was like ball of rubber bands.

The way she put her situation was thus: she had met her husband five years ago in Serbia when she was nineteen and he was thirty-five.  They came to the UK together and after two years married…but only because she needed a British passport.  She said they were now like “room-mates”.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard such a story in London.  The desire to get into London and gain a British passport is such that many people are getting married out of convenience and buying marriages so that they can stay and earn the British pound.  I know two Australian girls that did it.

She is Serbian.  I must admit to having a fascination with Eastern European women.  I have never known one.  Perceptions over here are that Eastern European women are beautiful, ruthless, mercenary, a little crazy and quite “hard”.

It’s not the first time I have found myself in the position of being involved with a married woman.  I once chatted-up a woman in a bar and took her number.  After our first date, she told me she was “living” with a guy but that it was all over…they were even sleeping in separate beds.  Still, I felt uncomfortable and told her so, and backed-off.  This was the right thing to do.

Seeing her makes me feel BAAD.  I like feeling BAAD.  I do have respect for the sanctity of marriage but I have gotten to the point that I cannot help myself.  Whatever happens I feel I have to see this thing through.  You see, I believe it could be true love.  Maybe I’m being naive but only time will tell.